is a Portuguese word 鈥渄enoting an emotional state of melancholic or profoundly nostalgic longing for a beloved yet absent someone or something.鈥 If you, like me, are also away from loved ones, you may have felt that, especially around special dates 鈥 even if you did not care much about them when back home. This year, on March 4th, Brazilians officially commemorate one of the leading national festivities, , ending celebrations that usually begin a month prior. In today鈥檚 post, I am expressing my saudade and opening my heart to our community in hopes you feel comfort knowing that you are not the only one navigating complicated feelings towards adapting to a new place and culture.
I never thought I鈥檇 miss you. You were always there - too loud, too crowded, too much. You arrived every February with wild colours, pounding drums, and an insane amount of glitter. I watched from the sidelines, convinced I had no part in you. I let the pass me by, skipped the road trips, and ignored the music spilling into the streets. I told myself I wasn鈥檛 the type to lose track of time in a sea of people, dance until my legs ached, and let confetti stick to my skin. Listening to my was enough. Or so I thought.
Now, miles away, wrapped in winter layers, I watch from even farther away. February means something entirely different here. It鈥檚 quiet. The air is cold. No drums echo through the streets, no bursts of laughter from costumed crowds, no scent of spilled beer and sunscreen. No last-minute costume decisions, no groups of friends running late, but never in a hurry. Just winter, routine, and nostalgia that lingers like the ghost of a song I barely learned to sing.
I miss watching the , pretending I didn鈥檛 care while secretly getting lost in the hypnotic rhythm of the samba schools and cheering for the . I miss the feeling of knowing that, for a few days, nothing else mattered - not work, not deadlines, not the weight of everyday life - just joy, music, and the warmth of people coming together.
I scroll past videos of packed streets, of laughter that carries through the screen, of a kind of collective joy that I haven鈥檛 witnessed in a while. And suddenly, I understand. You are no longer just a date on the calendar - you are a feeling I can鈥檛 recreate. Movement, connection, a brief moment where nothing mattered except the beat of the and the people beside you.
If there鈥檚 one thing I鈥檝e learned from missing you, it鈥檚 that moments are fleeting. We always think there will be another opportunity, another time, another year. But life moves fast, and suddenly, the things we once took for granted become memories we can no longer touch. One day, I鈥檒l come back. And this time, I won鈥檛 stand on the sidelines. I鈥檒l say yes. Until then, I鈥檒l carry you with me, in the rhythm of a distant samba, in the glitter I find in old clothes, in the realization that joy should never be postponed. Because the biggest regret isn鈥檛 missing something you love. It鈥檚 realizing you never let yourself love it in the first place.